Gotta start ‘em young.

I’m torn here. As a child’s toy, MELTDOWN – the “first board game that melts” – is extremely clever. I probably would’ve loved playing with the cute little polar bears and fake ice floes. But I can’t ignore the transparent attempt to indoctrinate children on the theory – yes, the theory – of global warming.

GEOlino, a German science magazine for children, designed MELTDOWN to enable its young readers to “experience the effects of global warming … in a completely child-oriented way.” The goal is to take a polar bear family from the melting “ice floes” (courtesy of your freezer) to the mainland. The aim is to brainwash children – about a highly contentious political theory with geopolitical ramifications and trillions of dollars at stake – while they play with ice cubes and sponges.

MELTDOWN comes with a blue sponge (which acts as the arctic sea and the gameboard), cute polar bear figurines (including an adorable baby polar bear), and an ice mold to create the “ice floes”. You arrange the “ice floes” on the gameboard and attempt to navigate your polar bears to safety before the ice cubes fall victim to room temperature and melt – just like real life.

The ad, itself, won a Gold Clio Award under the category “Self-Promotion,” and I have to admit – as an educational device (assuming the idea is to teach global warming), MELTDOWN is brilliant in its inherent simplicity. Just like real life (the version propagated by adherents of climate change, anyway), the ice will inevitably melt, leaving young impressionable minds to ponder the fate of the cute little polar bears and ask their parents ‘Why?’

“MELTDOWN makes children experience the effects of global warming in a playful way. Without any wagging finger - just one hand to roll the dice,” claims the site. (emphasis mine)

MELTDOWN is also the most blatant attempt to indoctrinate our youth since Captain Planet.

I’ll stick to Monopoly, thank you very much.