Iran invents “time machine,” beats Doc Brown to the punch
From the same folks who brought you the flying clown car comes this: An Iranian scientist claims to have invented a time machine. No, really. I cannot make this stuff up.
Ali Razeghi registered "The Aryayek Time Traveling Machine" with the state-run Center for Strategic Inventions. He claims it can "predict five to eight years of the future life of any individual, with 98 percent accuracy" and "easily fits into the size of a personal computer case."
"It will not take you into the future; it will bring the future to you," the Tehran scientist said.
According to Razeghi, his invention — 10 years in the making — can also predict military conflict and forecast the fluctuation of foreign currencies and oil prices.
"Naturally a government that can see five years into the future would be able to prepare itself for challenges that might destabilize it," he said.
Razeghi’s "time machine" isn’t exactly science fiction — more like junk science, like the systems that allegedly predict presidential elections. The Aryayek Time Traveling Machine won’t, for example, send you back in time where you can meet your parents, interrupt their first meeting, and play matchmaker (in the process, strengthening their relationship).
Theoretically, "predicting the future" entails nothing more than possessing extensive information on a subject and applying percentages and advanced mathematics. That’s the basis behind PECOTA (Player Empirical Comparison and Optimization Test Algorithm), which predicts baseball win totals — among other stats — with startling accuracy.
But anything broader than the relatively narrow confines of baseball involves such random variables to make any predictive algorithm inaccurate at best. The Iranian "time machine" — which some might call a misnomer — falls into that category.
And why hasn’t the irascible scientist — with 179 other inventions to his name — unveiled a prototype? Because Iran’s enemies would steal the design. No, really.
"The reason that we are not launching our prototype at this stage is that the Chinese will steal the idea and produce it in millions overnight," he said.